Change your sunglasses!

I misplaced my sunglasses and had to go hunt for new ones. I have gotten tired of changing my prescription regular glasses to prescription sunglasses every time I am in the sun and have resorted to just wearing the wrap around sun glasses that sits over your glasses. They are big and ugly and don't come in many variations. So I did have to hunt for an acceptable one. The one I got is a different color tint than the ones I have used so far.

I walk out the store and put on my new glasses and saw my world view change dramatically. Everything looked new, vibrant and full of energy. It was exhilarating and energizing!! Seriously. Looking through different point of view to gain new perspective suddenly took on a whole new meaning, at the same time validating the old wisdom.

That is all we have to do, is to sometime step back and look at things differently. It is good to once in a while  try to see the world differently. There are so many hue and connotations to the world around us, people around us that relaxing our view point and opening our mind to new experiences can enrich our lives. So go ahead, change your sunglasses, experiment, step out of your comfort zone and you never know you may discover something new, different and something worthwhile. 

Love can hurt also!!

Today on the way back home, after soccer, in the car...

Nandini: Shivali, you have to read books. You know it is very very very bad that you are not reading books. You are so lucky that you can read and have so many books.. When you will grow up, people will ask you - have you read, Harry Potter series...no, have you read Nancy Drew series...no, have you read The Chronicles of Narnia...no. So you know what, from now on if you don't read 2 books a week, I won't talk to you the whole of Sunday.

Shivali: WHAT??!!!

Nandini: Yes. And if I do talk, that would be accidental and so don't you go and take advantage of that. OK. 

Shivali: Why would you do that to me? It is not nice that you won't talk to me for a whole day. Which sister says that to her sister that she will not talk to her? That's not how good sisters behave.

Nandini: Tell me Shivali, am I a mean bratty sister or a kind loving one. Not talking to you for a whole day I agree, it can be both, a mean sister and a loving one. Am I a mean one like Candace (ref: Phineas and Ferb, TV show)? Am I selfish? Do I tattle tale on you? Or am I a loving kind sister who wants the best for you? Who wants you to read books for your own good? Which one do you think I am? Do you want to grow up and then realize that your sister wanted you to read books for your own good and not for her good but your own good? I am only doing this for your own good. In fact it is bad for me. You know it will be hard for me to not talk to you also.

Shivali: But does that mean that I have to read 2 whole books... 8 chapters each??

Nandini: Shivali, I can read that in an hour!!!

Shivali: You are bragging. It’s not nice to brag.

Nandini: NO, I am not. You can read it in a day.

Shivali: But why would you give me such a punishment? I am not happy about this. I won't play with you ever... Does that mean I can't talk with you??

Nandini: No it means that you can go ahead and talk but you won't get a response from me till you read your books. It is not a punishment; in fact I actually dread doing that.

Shivali: What does dread mean?

Nandini: (explains what dread means)

Shivali: I still don't like it. Do you know how bored I will get if I can't talk to you, play with you all day?

Nandini: Shivali, you don't get this. I am trying to help you here. OK, so how about then you have to read just one and half… OK… OK just one book.

And there I was driving back home and paying attention to the road but trying desperately hard to remember the conversation for posterity!!

Isn't this true how often we take the good advice also in a wrong way and not see that the other person means well. And also isn't it often that we give well meaning advice with some condition that actually does more harm than good. 

Making Friends.

Making friends and nurturing them is an art.

I some time excel in it and some time suck at it. I remember how difficult it was for me to make friends in school. I lived in my family's shadow. So where ever I went, I was someone's daughter or sister.

But by the time I reached college, I made a monumental decision about myself.. I was going to start fresh without the past baggage with a new identity and just be myself. The anonymity of college gave me fresh life and I excelled in making friends. I still nurture some deepest connections I made during that phase. The attention I got was because of me, not because of my family. I had learned the art of making friends. All it needed was for me to smile and extend my hand in friendship. It came easy after overcoming the initial shyness. I learned how to make friends and be one... In my naiveness I decided to be a friend to everyone that life brought along.

And then I learned the hard way that you can't be friends with everyone. You cannot have everyone you meet, be your friend and even like you. And I don't have to like everyone I meet! In fact I had to learn to accept the fact that no matter what I do, some may hate me with an intensity that I can not undo. It is their choice. And It is my choice to like who I like and whom I don't. I also learned that I have to stop trying so hard for people to like me, accept me. Because those who like me will like me no matter what and those who don't, will not like me no matter what! I became selective and choosy about my friendship.

So now with all this life time accumulated wisdom about friendship, how does it makes sense that life has still some more lessons to teach you! I thought I had learnt the art of choosing the right friend. But what I didn't know was that friends can change also. And that can take the wind out of your sail.

Sometimes you have to try really hard to nurture a friendship and sometimes you have to accept the fact that it cannot be fixed.

Life is too short to try to fix a toxic one and too short to not try to fix some. And it comes with experiences to know which one to pick and which one to let go. Or am I still being naive??!!